i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
