I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I need water and some morals
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
