your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
