I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
