I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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