Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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