operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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