Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
