He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
