I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
