Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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