i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
