is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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