You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
