Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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