i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
