I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
