I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
