It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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