It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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