he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
