Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
