walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
