he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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