I'm sorry my penis didn't work
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
