You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
