Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
