Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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