When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
