It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
