Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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