dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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