Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
