I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
