how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sext me about skeletons
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
