you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
