Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
