Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
