all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
