I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
