I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
