Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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