now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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