Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
