The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
