I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
