well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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