Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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