We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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