roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Barsexuality is the new black.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
