Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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