You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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