My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
