Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
