Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
