I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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