By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
