Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
