i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
