Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
