I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
