What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sober January is a disaster.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
