the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Drunk is not a location!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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