Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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