I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
