If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize