margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
