You made me cry and you don't even care
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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