that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's blow job season.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
