**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
