It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
